Breakups are a bitch, and heartbreak is a bigger bitch. I should know.
Once upon a time, I was in a committed nine-year-relationship; I had my life mapped out to a tee – it was perfect. Until one day it wasn’t.
Two days before our holiday to Las Vegas, he bailed. His head wasn’t in it anymore. And the life I knew fell apart.
The first month was a blur, the pain was constant. It was physical, it was emotional and it was humiliating. I’d hit rock bottom.
Fast forward 10 months and I can type this out without my chest aching. It’s progress… considering it took me over a month to tell my closest friends. It was fucking hard and some days it still is. But unlike every PC article I’ve ever read about handling a breakup, I wanted to share my non-fluffy advice for the other aching hearts out there.
It’s ok to be vulnerable
Falling in love is a risk. So, if it goes to shit, you’re allowed to be angry, happy, sad, confused and any other emotion you can muster. Cry, listen to sad songs, watch romcoms, mope, go out with your friends and get it out of your system. You’re allowed to ride this rollercoaster in its entirety.
Give yourself a month to come to terms with your new reality, but don’t waste time mourning something that was only ever a fantasy. All of the good things that happened while you were together are still yours. You’ve just been given another chapter to seize life by the balls.
Having no contact works – go figure!
I’ve always been an out of sight, out of mind kinda girl – but post-breakup withdraw is real and overwhelming. I can’t stress this enough, if you can go 30 days without breathing a word to your ex, you’ve gotten through the toughest part. It’s not going to be easy, you will want to call them/stalk their profiles and everyone they know. Block, delete and remove them off EVERYTHING (that includes Netflix). Self-preservation is the biggest gift you can give to yourself.
Use your time wisely
The best perk of being single is the freedom to do whatever you please. If I don’t want to reply to texts, I don’t have to. I can get in from a night out and go straight to bed (and have the entire bed for myself). I don’t have to share my chicken nuggets – it’s a win-win.
Instead, I’m rewarded with the extra time to focus on myself. For me, it included getaways with my girlfriends, painting and taking myself on a solo date. The beauty of being free is that there are no rules…
Remind yourself of your values
Time will run its course but you’ll have gained perspective in the process. You’ll have time to look at both your parts in the relationship and decide what you want going forward.
I’ll always remember my cousin Emma making me write a list of things my ex did to make me happy and things he didn’t. The negatives outweighed the good and at that moment, it was like I was seeing my relationship through a different set of eyes. I wouldn’t change the relationship for the world because I was happy. But I’ve changed and outgrown that era of my life. What I need now isn’t what I needed at 15.
You will bounce back from this
Every breakup survival needs a breakup comeback. So do something you wouldn’t have done while you were with them – learn Italian, take-up boxing, start a blog or treat yourself to a new wardrobe. In my case I skydived. It was something I wanted to do for so long. On the 27th of July 2019, I completed my skydive and it was epic.
I’m sorry you got hurt, I’m sorry things didn’t turn out as you hoped or feel as though you’ve wasted all that time… but you didn’t. And if I could take this pain away from you, I wouldn’t. Often we learn more from our losses than we do from our wins. I can assure you that you will learn from this one day.
If you have any other tips or tricks you want to share about getting over a breakup, please pop a comment below xxx