A Letter to 2019

Life is short. But I didn’t need to tell you that. It’s a marshmallow cliche that has made me wince more times than I can count on my ET-lookalike fingers. Instead, I’ll refer to it as borrowed time.

Up until this year, I lived a mundane everyday.

During the week, I went from home, to work and back. Saturday’s were spent with my boyfriend at the time and Sundays were reserved for family.

My borrowed time needed a shakeup, and 2019 had no intentions of underdelivering. It was a year of monumental loss, heartbreak, disappointment, confusion, loneliness and prolonged sadness. In sue of the chaos, it also brought acceptance, friendship, love, excitement, laughter, strength and growth.

My friends were there to mend my heartbreak.

Every cinema jaunt, dinner, FaceTime, holiday, concert, night out and minute of quality time renewed my hope. Even in the thick of my self-sabotage funk, they were patient and gave me the space I needed to process. To me, that’s the epitome to a lasting friendship.

Then there were the dates that forced me out of my comfort zone.

When you’ve been out of the game for practically your whole life, it takes a big boost to mount that horse. And I’ve felt it ALL. The first-date nerves, the panic of having nothing to wear, the rejection and the butterflies. The vulnerability that transpires from dating is more terrifying than any modern-day horror movie, but when you meet someone and it clicks, it’s priceless.

My family encouraged me to let go.

They shut down my insecurities and reminded me of my worth when I needed it most. I always thought mum and I were close, yet somehow we’ve gotten closer. She’s protected me in ways I didn’t think I needed. Together, we’ve challenged each other to become better and I couldn’t be prouder of her.

It would be easy to call 2019 the worst year of my life. But saying that would be a disservice to everything I achieved this year.

I had to lose people to gain myself.

I had to toughen up and carry on even when I didn’t want to. But despite everything, I feel like I’ve come into my own and I’m finally putting my borrowed time to good use. I have no idea what to expect from this coming year, all I know is that I never want to live a mundane every day ever again.

So, from me to you, I wish you a happy, healthy and successful 2020.

Love always,

Nat

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