It’s not you, it’s me.
I know, it’s the most textbook breakup line there is. But what happens with people around you, when you’re the one changing.
Like wearing glasses for the first time, when you discover things about yourself, you see the world differently. Priorities shift, and while embarking into new phases of life, it’s inevitable to leave people behind and vice versa.
Relationships are like gears: when you change, your gear changes as well. Consequently, if that gear changes, it doesn’t fit or bond with the other pieces as smoothly as it used to.
I’ve always struggled to let go, regardless of how toxic a relationship might have been for me. Whereas now, whilst painful, I fully understand why two people might outgrow each other. From friendships and relationships, this is what my experience looks like.
I stop feeling emotionally and intellectually challenged.
There was a time in my life for superficial natter. But conversations that lack depth or are repetitive now terrify me. Generally, I’ve found that it hinders my personal growth when I can’t get into the nitty-gritty conversations.
I become a babysitter.
I’ve gone from being a girlfriend to a mother figure, from a friend to babysitter. These shifts in the dynamic personally wear me down – because you eventually start pouring from an empty cup that used to be full.
I stop sharing news.
There’s been a handful of times where I’ve kept good news to myself out of fear that people won’t relate or understand. Whether it’s a promotion or a social media opportunity, I want to surround myself with people that will celebrate with me regardless.
I’ll admit, I’m partly to blame too. Sometimes I just get caught up in please others, that I forget that I have a choice to say no. I love going out for drinks, but not to a point where it consumes everything I do. I used to find myself thinking of fun things I wanted to do, but getting overwhelmed because I knew they wouldn’t share the same excitement or willingness to try.
It feels forced.
Nothing feels more gut-wrenching as an awkward conversation. Especially when it just to be so easygoing before.
Values don’t align anymore.
Before, we might have agreed on most things. Now, the differences are all over the shop. Fundamentally, I think there’s the ability to grow along with people – but it’s just as fair to say that the people that used to be in my life served a purpose for what I needed there and then.
No matter what signs you begin to notice, you have to accept that change and timing are critical. It just might not be their time yet. Rationally it might not make sense yet, but it will eventually.